The Curse of The Mum(My)
The Curse of The Mum(My):
One Man’s Journey To Try And Enjoy The Cinema
First a little note of explanation. The following words are not about how cool a game, film or book is, or a review or what not. The following is a genuine account of the supernatural, and the chaos caused. All names have been omitted to protect those involved. The only thing that needs to be said is that everything below is absolutely true…
My favourite person to go to the cinema with, is my Mum. I know, I know what your thinking, but shut up. It’s because of my Mum that I’m in love with movies and geeky stuff. It was thanks to her showing me everything from JAWS to Conan, and Indy to Jason and the Argonauts. We share a very similar taste in films etc. and we both have Saturdays off. Few of my friends enjoy the cinema on a Saturday morning or afternoon, and my ex Girlfriend didn’t care for the cinema at all, I wonder why she’s my ex? All these things have created a perfect situation where Saturday usually becomes cinema day, and I’ve dragged Mum to all kinds of films. My Mum is cool, she is down for zombies, horror, action, comedy, foreign, documentary, superhero’s, you name it, we’ve seen it, or at least attempted to see it.
For you see, something strange happens when I venture to the cinema with my Mum, it’s almost like the universe is trying to stop us watching films together, it doesn’t happen all the time, but happens on more occasions than would seem normal, I’d say at least 1/3 times, and when you go to the cinema as much as we do, that is a hell of a lot. Now I also visit the cinema with friends on a regular basis, so I have something to compare the Mum visits to, and I’m honestly at a loss to explain why on so many occasions, things go wrong when Mum sits in a cinema. Maybe she pissed off a Gypsy whilst on her way to the cinema, or annoyed that weird guy who works at Blockbuster, he has the hint of Warlock about him. Whatever happened, the curse is strong and has had bad effects on other people, let me explain.
I think it all started in 2002. It was a cold boring January, and Fellowship of the Ring was still in theatres. Mum and I rocked up to the cinema, bought our assorted snacks, I went for potato wedges and cheese sauce (why don’t they do that any more), and found our seats. I needed the loo, passed my wedges to Mum to hold, expecting a few less by the time I came back, but that was the price to pay for secure wedges. As I came back, I sat back down on my seat, only to feel the terrible squelch of potato and cheese sauce, covering my arse and the seat. Mum was in fits of laughter, ‘I forgot’, she exclaimed, well accidents happen I suppose, I wasn’t happy, and had warm yellow sauce dripping all over my jeans and trainers, I put this down to nothing more than a mistake, and carried on with the film.
It wasn’t until the next time we visited the local multiplex that something happened. This time, the trailers had begun, and the lights were still firmly on in the screen, a trip to a member of staff soon sorted the problem, and the film continued, it happens from time to time. A few trips later and the light issue raised it’s head again, this time they came on mid film, were quickly switched off and staff apologised after the screening, but I looked to my right, who was sat there? Mum, something odd had happened again.
Sound problems, light problems, projectors not working, sitting in the wrong screens, spilled drinks, food and lost tickets. It didn’t just happen when Mum was in charge, things were happening to me to, it was all starting to add up, and the curse of Mum at the cinema began to get joked about. Years and years of incidents all mounting up, not every time, but enough to be remarked on, and these things didn’t just happen at one cinema, they happened in Florida, at Universal Studios, and other local cinemas, but they never seemed to happen when I was with anyone else. We would look forward to it, to see what else would go wrong, what else would add to the ‘legend’. Then during Revenge of the Sith, a fire alarm went off and 12 screens of people were cleared out to the car park, it was a false alarm, and everyone was ushered back inside, free tickets all round. We laughed about it, it had struck again and was seemingly getting stronger, little did we know that soon, the curse would turn far more dangerous…
Another few years went by, and the incidents continued, lights, sound, picture etc. nothing major, but more than enough to make things seem strange. Then one Christmas, I noticed that It’s a Wonderful Life was showing at our usual haunt. ‘Right’, I thought, ‘This will be a lovely pre-Christmas treat for Mum’, I booked tickets and on a frosty December night, we found ourselves in a emptyish screen, with a few others waiting for the Christmas Classic to begin. Before the film started two older ladies came and sat in front of us. It was odd I thought that they would choose to sit so close, as the screen was fairly empty but we had a good view of the screen so I didn’t think too much of it. The film started, and almost immediately one of the ladies began to make strange sounds, like a cough, but not quite a cough. It was every couple of minutes or so, a strange sound could just be heard over the film. Me and Mum looked at each other, thought to ourselves that the poor woman was probably trying to stifle a cold, we carried on with out fuss as it was only mildly distracting.
Half way through the film, and there was a commotion in the row in front, the lady who was stifling her coughs was now, making louder noises, her friend had asked her if she was alright, and had left pretty quickly, staff emerged from the dark and soon the film had stopped. Clearly a medical emergency had happened and everyone was ushered out of the screen as ambulance workers appeared. It turned out that the woman had had a stroke, and in the dark even her friend had assumed she was coughing, the poor woman was carted off to hospital, and the film was resumed. Mum and I looked at each other in horror, the curse had struck, literally struck someone down, we didn’t return to the film, we went home. I don’t know the fate of the poor woman, I hope she was all right afterwards, and to our shame, we find the incident slightly amusing now.
The curse has struck many times since then, but never so powerfully. It’s back to spilled drinks, dodgy sound and broken projectors. We are however always aware that it might strike harder again, and if you happen to share a screen with my Mum, I can only apologise…