All Geek To Me

Pure Geekness

The Anti-Oscars

By HMSBEEFNUTS

I hate the Oscars. They celebrate films I don’t tend to like, and apart from that year Return of the King won the most ever, they are usually disappointing. After Geeky Gem stayed up and watched them in a Herculean task of staying awake and stuff, I can’t really comment too much on lasts nights event, she already said all that needs to be said. Well done Gem, much rather you than me!!! Anyway, for no other reason than shits and giggs, I will today announce my Anti Oscars. For the record, thats ANTI, not AUNTIES, she was only good enough to win a BAFTA. These awards by no means represent All Geek To Me’s opinion, they are my own thoughts on things I have seen that fit within the categories of the boringly dull Oscars. I couldn’t afford Billy Crystal, although I don’t know why. Last film he was in was like City Slickers 2: Curly’s Gold. Nice one Billy. Actually I take that back, anyone who is in The Princess Bride gets a free pass for life. On to the awards….

Best Picture

Captain America

I saw this twice at the cinema. Amazing fun and a very very cool film. Better than The Artist by miles. I haven’t seen the Artist.

Director

Joe Johnston

A very underrated director in my opinion. Jurassic Park 3 is good, The Wolfman is great and The Rocketeer needs to be seen as the genius that it is. Captain America was a tricky hero to handle, Johnston handled it just right and directed the best Marvel film yet.

Best Actor

Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson

Yeah I don’t care what you say, I love this guy. Everything he is in is made better by the fact that he is in it. Fast Five was great, The Rock was better. The Rock was better than Gary Oldman in the boringly tepid Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, and much better than that idiot Ryan Gosling in the incredibly over rated Drive, Rock wins. Suck it.

Best Actress

Kirtsen Wiig

Funniest film of the year I think, thanks to Wiig and her awesomeness. A strong year for ladies in strong roles, but I liked Bridesmaids best, my awards remember!!

Best Supporting Actor

Andy ‘lyrca suit’ Serkis

Dude is tops at mo-cap. Caesar in Rise of the Planet of the Apes, was yet another tour de force of acting whilst never being seen. Gollum, Kong, Haddock, Caesar. Love you Serkis.

Best Supporting Actress

Alison Brie

I have never seen her in a movie, but she is awesome in Community and the sexiest woman on TV. I could not give a flying hump if you think this is cheating.

Adapted Screenplay

Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

Didn’t read the book. Film was good though.

Original Screenplay

Green Lantern

Just wanted to give this an award, I liked it.

Animated Feature

Rango/Tin Tin

Loved both of these and refuse to separate them. Absolutely refuse do you hear? Split the trophy in two.

 Best Foreign Language Film

Troll Hunter

Great film, I saw it last year so it counts.

Art Direction

Thor

Did a great job of making Asguard and Earth both separate, and realistic. Thor looked great too, well done Art Direction Team!!!

Cinematography

Transformers:Dark of the Moon

Looked REALLY pretty.

Costume Design

Captain America

Loved the stages of the outfit, full marks for getting him in tights, and his WWII costume looks way better than his Avengers one.

Documentary Feature

Finding Bigfoot: Bluff Creek Special

I like documentaries, I just didn’t see any this year. I did watch this though and I love it.

Documentary Short

Finding Bigfoot

If I didn’t watch any feature length Documentaries, I am unlikely to have seen short ones, however, it was a toss up between this and the Bouncers doc on Channel 4. Bigfoot still wins though.

Editing

Green Lantern

I really liked it OK? When you write a blog, you can choose awards for movies you like.

Make-up

Captain America

Red Skull looked good, and they made people look cut and bruised and stuff. I’m not making light of the work make up artists do, I respect the great Jack Pierce, but come on, it’s not that hard, Red Skull at least took a bit of skill.

Original Score

Captain America

Suitably heroic music and 40’s charm. I couldn’t think of anything else to be honest.

Original Song

Star Spangled Man – Captain America

‘Who’ll hang the noose on the goose stepping Goons from Berlin?’ ‘Who’ll finish what they began? Who’ll kick the Krauts to Japan? That Star Spangled Man, with a plan’. Any song that contains these lyrics is blatantly racist, unless the song is supposed to be from the 40’s then it’s OK, because it was war time. Captain America is set during the war, and this song is from that film, so this song is cool. Much better than a Muppet song, I imagine, if I’d actually heard it. By the way if there was a Best Unoriginal Song Category, ‘What a Wonderful World’ from Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, sung by the incomparable The Rock, would have won.

 Sound Editing

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

The sound editing on this film was second to none, I assume, if I cared about such things, which I don’t. It sounded really good though…

Sound Mixing

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

The IMAX made this movie sound unbelievable. My seat was vibrating, with the force of Autobot vs Decepticon. Great sound mix. I don’t really know what constitutes a good sound mix, but I know a good one when I hear it!

Visual Effects

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Yeah the film wasn’t great, but damn those effects were sexy. Giant robots beating the living shit out of each other, in IMAX 3D was quite an experience. Not the greatest story in the world, we all know that, but Bay can sure get the most out of his uber expensive budgets. Every dollar was on screen.

Animated Short

Catwoman

Found on the Blu-Ray for Batman: Year One, this 15 minute short shows off Catwoman at her sexy best. A nice little extra on a nice disc. DC animation is always far better than Marvel. Sort it out Marvel.

Live Action Short

 A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Thor’s Hammer

Found on the Blu-Ray for Captain America, and lets face it, probably online too, this little short tells us what happened to Agent Colson on the way to New Mexico, to look into Thor’s hammer falling to Earth. Funny, and a nice little film to show what a badass Colson is.

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