Hmsbeefnuts Can’t Stand These Actors, Can You?
Hate is a strong word. I can dislike quite a few things and people, for instance, I dislike Doctor Who, but I do not hate it, it just isn’t for me. However, the purpose of this article is not to tell you of things, or more correctly actors that I dislike, it is to tell you why I hate these actors. If one of the following actors appears in a film I am watching, it will seriously effect my enjoyment of the film. Not all the actors below have been figures of hate for me for all their career, and certainly most of them have been in good, sometimes great films. However, something about them has annoyed me, and I feel that this is reason enough to hate them and write about said hate. So enough explanation, here we go…
No one hates Will Smith right? Well wrong, although I will attempt to clarify. I have enjoyed Will Smith in the past. I loved the Fresh Prince, I have got Jiggy With It more than once, and I have enjoyed MiB and other huge blockbusters starring Mr. Smith. However, I recently saw the MiB 3 trailer and it made me realise something, Will Smith’s jug eared charm is starting to get old. I’m sure he is a nice guy, one of the greatest guys in the world, but, have you really missed him? He’s been away from our screens for quite some time, and has he ever really made a truly great film? A lot of people love Big Willie, and I can see why they like him, it’s just not for me any more.
Brad Pitt is a good actor. He has been in many fine films, and some that I like an awful lot, Seven, Troy, hell I even liked Moneyball. There is something about Pitt that I find intensely annoying. Watch Moneyball. Look at every scene Brad Pitt is in, which is basically every scene. Notice something? He eats in every scene, every bloody scene. It is so annoying, it’s like he has thought, ‘hmm I need a prop at all times, and it makes me look more naturalistic if I’m eating in every scene’. Guess what Brad, it doesn’t. I have noticed Brad eats a lot in films. It’s his calling card, like Will Smith’s ‘aww hell nawww’. A good actor undoubtedly, but the food thing is very distracting, and takes me out of the film, and I’m starting to hate him for it.
It seems churlish to hate Orlando Bloom. It’s not his fault he is blessed with good looks. It’s not his fault he was cast in Lord of the Rings, and then subsequently considered for every historical epic for years afterwards. However, it is his fault that he hasn’t really tried to improve his acting ability. He was fine in LOTR, in a smaller role, as an elf, they are supposed to be a bit weird and distant, no problem, but when you are the lead in a film like Kingdom of Heaven, you should fucking try harder. Also if you are in Pirates of the Caribbean, against Johnny Depp, try harder. In movies such as Troy, POTC, LOTR and Kingdom of Heaven, Bloom has ‘acted’ next to the cream of Hollywood acting talent, and is always the worst thing in the film. One bright spot recently proved that things might not be all bad. I had the misfortune of watching The Three Musketeers (in 3D!!!!!) and the film was awful, absolute cock. But Orlando seemed to be revelling in the awfulness. He turned in a performance that may in fact have been tongue in cheek, a little knowing, and for me, he was a highlight in a film full of low lights. Of course he may have been blissfully unaware of what he was doing, which is more than probable, but every dog has his day. Orlando goes to prove that just because you look like a Elizabethan Cabin Boy, you can’t replicate the awesome swashbuckling exploits of Douglas Fairbanks and the mighty Errol Flynn. For the record, the successor to these swashbuckling heroes, should have been Cary Elwes, but after Princess Bride… well, it’s a shame. In summation, Orlando Bloom is the worst actor to ever front a major blockbuster.
I don’t know whether its his bullfrog face, googly eyes, awful grating voice or a super combination/perfect shit storm of all of these factors, but no actor on Earth can piss me off like Paul Giamatti. I hate him, and will try and avoid him if I can. He makes good films bad, bad films worse. I do not think I have ever liked him in anything I have ever seen him in, ever. Special hatred is reserved for him ruining Shoot Em Up. Dick. Should stick to indies then I will probably never see him again, should never be in anything good. I hate Paul Giamatti with every fibre of my being.
The British Paul Giamatti, I do not get this guys appeal at all. He isn’t a great actor, and seemingly is revered because he is old. I hate is droopy face and boring line delivery. When I see his stupid face I want to do terrible things. I hate that people like him because he is British. So is Simon Cowel, do you like that shit? Argh writing this article is making me angry because I have to imagine these idiots faces on my mind screen. Ergh. Bill Nighy.
This guy. I just don’t get it. I can’t see why people think he is a great actor, or why girls think he is hot. Just don’t get it at all. To me he is a far far worse Carlo Ribisi. Yeah that dude from Avatar and Friends. I watched Drive because it looked great in the trailers. Gosling sucked so much, he sucked all the excitement and interest I had in this admittedly very poor film. Gosling was OK in the Ides of March, but that is all that could be said, OK, and I was too busy wondering why this guy is so lauded by everyone, so perhaps I was too distracted to fully hate him in it. He is a poor actor, he doesn’t use his words like a big boy, he is all looks and glances, I wish he would concentrate on silent films, and by that I mean, he invents a time machine, fucks off back to 1899, gets an job with a studio and then can’t get back. Oh and then sometime in 1932, all his films are burned in a fire and he is wiped from history as an actor. Yeah, I hate him that much.
Edward Norton is annoying. I didn’t care when he was dropped for the far better Mark Ruffalo as Bruce banner in the Avengers, it was a good decision. Norton seems to be one of these super serious actors, I get that, but he just seems so joyless and boring. Bland is a good word for him. Oh and Fight Club is shit.
Robert DeNiro/Al Paccino
I’ve added these two Hollywood ‘powerhouses’ into one post, for the simple reason that they are both as bad as each other. I know everyone says these two are the actors of their generation, but I just think in almost every film, they act like themselves. They are in great films, no doubt, The Godfather, Goodfellas, Scarface, but they always play Robert DeNiro, or Al Pacino. They are not great actors. Arnold Schwarzenegger always plays Arnie in all his movies, he is a movie star, not a great actor, like wise DeNiro and Pacino. All the ‘hoo hahs’ and gigantic face moles in the world can’t help these two actually act. When they do attempt something a bit different, it is usually awful, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Jack and Jill etc. When a film calls for a DeNiro or Pacino, they are fine, no problem. But don’t call them good actors, Johnny Depp is a good actor, Christian Bale is a good actor, Liam Neason is a good actor. DeNiro and Pacino are good at being themselves.