All Geek To Me

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Geek Olympics: Round 2: Events of an Aquatic Nature

By @hmsbeefnuts

 

It was with some trepidation that I decided to start writing a second Geek Olympics article, for the first one was a bit of a marathon in its own right. However, I thought a more slimmed down version would a) not be so arduous to write, and b) be a hell of a lot easier to read. As such then, I will present a few events per article, and not go into such details, because as with sport, the only real information anyone needs is the result. On with the sports.

 

FISHING

 

I don’t know if fishing is a sport or not, seems really boring to me, but then, that’s how I feel about most sports, so I guess it could be. It is included here as an added event to an aquatic themed round of our Geek Olympics. The field of competition is quite sparse for this event as there are only 3 competitors, Bubba, from Forrest Gump, Quint, from JAWS, and Link from The Legend of Zelda series. As this is an exciting event, the fish species chosen for the fishing is Megaladon, an ancient and gigantic species of Great White Shark.

This obviously puts Link and Bubba at an extreme disadvantage, and Bubba is almost instantly killed by the great monster. Link lasts a little longer, in part thanks to his skilled use of a hook-shot and boomerang, but in the end, experience and obsession wins the day. Quint sticks seventeen barrels in the leviathan and starts to tow the beast in, the taxidermy man is going to have a heart attack when he sees what Quint brought him. Gold Medal Winner Quint. Link lives to fight another day. Bubba is buried at sea. On to the next event!!

 

SAILING

 

My games, my rules, and this means that any competitor who has previously died, can come back to life (from the use of Ras Al Ghul’s Lazarus Pits or something). Thus in the sailing, Cpt. Jack Sparrow is back, alongside Link, Argus (the Argonaut), and The Dread Pirate Roberts. The sailing takes place on a course filled with shrieking eels, sea monsters, and of course, the mighty Kraken. Sails are set, and a mighty conch shell is sounded, it’s time to race! The Black Pearl, The Argo, The King of Red Lions and The Revenge take it in turns to trade the lead back and forth. Link, once again at a disadvantage due to his smaller boat, gets taken out early by a swarm of shrieking eels, better luck next time little guy. The Black Pearl and The Revenge take a strong lead, due mainly to the fact they have more sails than The Argo, however, the race is not done yet.

 

As they reach the half way point, The Argo is suddenly lifted into the air by mighty hands, it seems Posiedon has taken pity on the crew of the Argo, and sweeping both The Pearl and The Revenge away with his other hand, he places The Argo firmly in the lead. With a mighty blow of wind, The Argo crosses the finish line first, The Pearl, a close second is hampered by some Kraken trouble, Whilst The Revenge cuts its losses and makes it’s way back to Florin for repairs. Gold Medal Winner, The Argo!!! NEXT!!

 

SWIMMING

The big one, in aquatic terms anyway.  A straight up freestyle swimming race in a standard Olympic pool, nothing fancy here, except the competitors of course. The line up looks spectacular, Aquaman, Namor The Submariner, Tarzan, Merman (from He-Man), Super Mario, and The Creature from the Black Lagoon. Excitement is at a fever pitch as the race is about to begin, that is until Aquaman and Namor have a bit of a disagreement about who is the real King of Atlantis. A fist fight breaks out, Green Lantern Corps security is called in, and both are disqualified. This leaves the field, or pool, very much open.

The race starts and the remaining competitors leap into the water. Creature and Merman take an early lead with Tarzan in third and portly Mario bringing up the rear. That is, and perhaps unsurprisingly by the way all these other races etc. have gone, Mario, in last place does something that we can not condone here at All Geek To Me. Mario reaches into his pocket, pulls out a power star, and the rest, as they say, is history. He speeds to the front, flashing all the way, and wins easily. Gold Medal Winner Mario!! In the drug testing afterwards however, Mario is disqualified as his urine is found to have copious amounts of illegal mushrooms in it. When added to the Star Man, it is clear that Mario is a dirty drug cheat. Stripped of the title, the Gold Medal goes to second place The Creature From The Black Lagoon. It is a dark day for the Geek Olympics…

 

On that note, this round comes to a close, see you next time sports fans.

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2 thoughts on “Geek Olympics: Round 2: Events of an Aquatic Nature

  1. Lmao… Nicely done.

  2. Pingback: All Geek To Me’s Geek Olympics: Final Round « All Geek To Me

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