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SUMMER KNIGHTS: TOP 10 SWORDSMEN IN FILM

By @hmsbeefnuts

Knights have swords, everyone knows that. So in a thinly constructed link to our Summer Knights season of articles, I have decided to write a few words about my personal favourite blokes who wield swords. Hardly any of these are knights, but they all have swords, so it counts, it defiantly counts.

CONAN THE BARBARIAN

Conan is the ultimate sword based badass. No stupid barbarian is he, but a clever, and deadly opponent, a match for any man, woman, monster, demon or God. Taught from a young age to end lives with his blade, Conan has been awesome at being a buccaneer, warrior, corsair, thief, gladiator and every other conceivable sword based career type you can mention. His sword is awesome, he killed wolves and wore there skins as a cloak, and dammit just read some Conan or watch the original movie, you wont be sorry.

SOLOMON KANE

Who said religious guys weren’t fucking badass? An ex pirate, reformed because the Devil wants his soul, Solomon becomes a Puritan hero fighting evil all around the Globe. His pirating skills obviously help a lot when you are fighting demons and monsters, and the guy can dual wield swords like a mother fucker.

INIGO MONTOYA

Anyone who’s Father dies at the hands of a six fingered man, swears revenge, and dedicates his life to the pursuit of revenge, despite there being little money in it, is alright by me. Inigo is a permed Spanish Badass, fair, yet deadly. A future Dread Pirate Roberts, Inigo is a master with a blade. His fight with The Dread Pirate Roberts, is one of the greatest fights in cinema history, and boy, what a catch phrase… Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my Father. Prepare to die!!!

ROBIN HOOD

Robin of Loxley, hero of the crusades, a noble man who fights for the common man, against the combined evil of King (Prince) John, The Sheriff of Nottingham and Guy of Guisborne. More noted as an archer, and why not he is very very good, Robin is also quite adept as a swordsman. His fight against Guy of Guisborne In The Adventures of Robin Hood, is the standard against which all subsequent sword fights should be set. The guy is a legend, even as a fox, he could wield a sword better than most humans, suck it most humans.

ARAGORN

Aragorn is a man trapped by destiny. He is destined to reclaim the throne of Gondor, but he doesn’t spend his time trying to stay alive until his time is right, he spends it fighting Orcs, Cave Trolls and Ring Wraiths. Absolute middle earth bad ass.

OBI WAN KENOBI

Ben is responsible for besting more Sith Lords than any other. He cut Darth Maul in half, sliced the shit out of his former best friend and pupil Darth Vader, and chose to become one with the force in an old age rematch. Lightsabers are cool, and for my money Obi Wan is the best at lightsabers, simple.

ACHILLES

Achilles is a killing machine, he can barely move his arm and kill you. Every move is measured and deliberate. His finishing move, the jumping lunge, is as deadly as the Leg Drop of Doom, or The F5.

MAXIMUS DECIMUS MERIDIUS

General, gladiator, farmer, Father to a murdered son, Husband to a murdered wife, Maximus is a stone cold badass with a gladius. The shorter Roman sword isn’t an easy weapon to master, but Maximus, decimates the competition. Dispensing sword advice to his adversaries, throwing swords like a knife, and fighting tigers and Emperors, Maximus is the Roman equivalent of Batman. It doesn’t get any better.

NED STARK

In the land of Westeros, everyone fears Ser Jaime Lannister. Renowned as the greatest swordsman in the land, in both battle and tourney. However, there is one man, one man in Westeros, who could not give less of a fuck about Ser Jaime’s sword skills. Ned Stark, Lord of Winterfell, Hand of the King, and owner of the biggest sword this side of the Wall, is the baddest most Knightly, honourable man in the whole kingdom, and is an absolute dude with a sword. If he and Jaime ever got the chance to go at it, without interference, my money would be on Ned.

JASON

In a ship full of the greatest heroes in all of Greece, Jason alone is the man who survives a fight with 7 viscous skeletal warriors. No mean feat to fight the undead, especially since you cant stab them, or cut them. Jason is cool, even though his sword looks like a gardening implement.

Game of Thrones: My Favourite Characters

By @hmsbeefnuts

It is about time that we here at All Geek To Me discussed what is, at least for me, the greatest TV show currently running, and easily in the top 3 shows ever made. I must admit I was a little late to the Westeros party. I had heard great things about A song of Ice and Fire, and for some reason, had picked up a Feast For Crows a few years back. It remained on my ‘to read’ book shelf for years, until the buzz started for the HBO show. A little research informed me that it would be fool hardy to start mid-way through an epic series like this, and so I sought out the first books. I waited until season one of the show had finished until I started to read, I didn’t want to know what was going to happen, but shortly after finishing the series, and then the book, I couldn’t help but start Clash of Kings. Currently, we are past the midway point of season 2 of Game of Thrones, and things are shaping up nicely. Obviously, I know what is supposed to happen now, as I am now reading A Storm of Swords, but this doesn’t make the series any less compelling.

Now Geeky Gem has not seen any of season 2 yet, as she wants to read the book first, so I have been instructed not to reveal any spoilers for Clash of Kings, however, I had to write something about this amazing phenomenon. I’ve elected to write about my favourite characters, from the show, and although there will be as few spoilers as possible, some characters don’t come into their own until later episodes, so some choices may seem odd if you haven’t seen the second season. Also, regular readers may have noticed a new tab on the top of our home page. A Page of Ice and Fire, is a fun little addition to AGTM. We aren’t quite sure what it will be quite yet, but if anyone out there wants to submit their own House Name, Sigil and Words you are more than welcome, lets see who likes Game of Thrones out there shall we? I know me and Gem enjoyed making our Houses up, and we would love to post some more up on the Page of Ice and Fire. Right enough introduction, I have promised you my favourite characters, and a Beefnuts, like a Lannister always pays his debts, and after all, Winter is Coming….

Tyrion Lannister

How could The Imp not be on this list? Most people’s favourite character, Tyrion has to rely on his wits and mind to play the Game of Thrones, as he lacks the size advantage of most men, although that is not to say he isn’t brave or a force to be reckoned with. Tyrion, although a Lannister, is definitely one of the characters you cheer for, a small man can cast a large shadow.

Ser Jorah Mormont

A personal favourite of mine, the ex Lord of Bear Island, sentenced to banishment by Ned Stark for selling poachers into slavery, Ser Jorah finds himself pledging his sword to the beautiful Danearys Targeryian, although I suspect he probably wants to pledge something else, and don’t we all? Ser Jorah is a mighty warrior, although is he all he seems?

Eddard Stark

Everyone loves Ned Stark, poor old Ned Stark. The most honourable man in the Seven Kingdoms, becomes Hand of the King, after his old friend King Robert asks him too. Embroiled in the plots and conspiracies of court, Ned would rather be back in his beloved Winterfell. Court life is too dangerous for men who have morals, a lesson that Ned Stark will unfortunately learn, to his detriment.

Syrio Ferrel

 

A small character, but what a guy. Arya Stark’s ‘dancing’ teacher, Syrio is Westeros’ answer to Inigo Montoya. Ned employs Syrio to teach Arya how to properly use Needle, and I think we all wish we had a teacher like him to teach us fencing. The First Sword of Bravos, Syrio is a unique character.

Khal Drogo

Oh Khal Drogo. A beast of a man, with the hottest wife in the world. Shame he doesn’t get long to enjoy it all. Drogo is a barbarian Horse Lord of the Dothraki. Married to Danearys (the lucky bastard) he is about to take his horde across the sea to reclaim the Iron Throne for his wife, well that might not happen, but he is a great character anyway, with a novel way of crowning kings.

John Snow

Ned Starks bastard son, and man of the Nights Watch, John Snow, very much like his father Ned, is an honourable man. He is destined for great things perhaps, but first he will have to come to terms with his bastard status and the hard life on The Wall. Dreams of adventure and ranging far to the North may not turn out exactly how he wants, but I like John Snow. He has the potential to be the hero of the whole series.

Danearys Targeryian

OK, I fancy the pants off of Dany, and the fact that she doesn’t wear pants that often is fine by me. Dany is beautiful and tragic, but strong and in control. The first season sees her moving from weak plaything of her brother and her new husband Khal Drogo, to a strong Khalessi and Mother of Dragons. What’s that? Dragons? Oh yes, she has three new born Dragons, which I’m sure  will come into play at a later date. She is very beautiful isn’t she, very very beautiful.

Arya Stark

 

One of the strongest female characters in a show packed full of them, although not even a teenager, Arya Stark is a great great character. A tom boy through and through, Arya is far more interested in ‘dancing’ than needle work or the pursuits of proper ladies. Arya’s is not a happy story, but is one of constant change and excitement. Arya is definitely one of the stronger characters in Westeros.

Bronn

 

A common sellsword who protected Tyrion Lannister’s honour at the Eyrie, Bronn gets better and better every episode. Coming into his own in season 2, which I’m not allowed to talk about yet, rest assured that Bronn is a great great character with a gift for speaking his mind, and usually a great line or two per episode. As right hand to Tyrion, Bronn and the Imp are a great little double act, and he is definitely not one to be messed with.

Ser Jaime Lannister

 

The Kingslayer, in an incestuous relationship with his sister Cersie and true Father to the absolute shit of a person, King Joffrey, Ser Jaime is never the less a great character. The most feared knight in all of Westeros, Ser Jaime’s sword is a potent weapon. Robbed of a true victory against the Hand of the King, Eddard Stark, and captured by King of the North Rob Stark, he has yet to show his true badassness. I have a sneaking feeling though that very soon, Ser Jaime is going to become a favourite character for more than a few people. Get in before everyone else, Jaime Lannister is great.

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