TOP TOYS: PART ONE

By @hmsbeefnuts

I loved toys when I was a kid, that may not be a shocking statement, but it is a true one. I love toys now if I’m honest, I just don’t buy them any more, but that doesn’t stop me looking. The recent Avengers buzz I was experiencing made me want to check out some of the toys that tie in with the movie. Off I went to Toys R Us, and other toy shops, and bizarrely supermarkets, to check out the toys that today’s kids are into. It was a massively fun exercise. Toys R Us was always my favourite shop when I was little, that and Forbidden Planet, and to be honest, that hasn’t changed. Toy shops sell fun, and there aren’t many more noble causes than fun, even if toys seem to be selling at extortionate prices these days. I thought I would look back at some of my favourite toys from my childhood, and hopefully Google Image Search will be able to provide some great pictures, for unfortunately, I don’t own any of these any more. Lets see what I decide to pick shall we?

WWF

The wrestling figures of my youth are a pale comparison to the amazing fully articulated representation of modern WWE Superstars. But I loved them never the less. I have talked about my Macho Man Figure before, and he was my favourite of the figures I owned. I had the ring, and spent many happy hours bashing them together, reliving Wrestlemanias and Summerslams. These were great toys.

TEENAGE MUTANT HERO TURTLES

To say I was obsessed with TMHT, is something of an understatement. Of course, the toys were worth their weight in pizza. My Dad valiantly waited outside of Woolworths and Toys R Us at some ungodly hour of the morning to secure my Brother and I the fab foursome. I also remember having some very cheap knock offs for a time, before finally getting my hands on them. My favourite, Michelangelo of course. I also was lucky enough to get the sewer play-set, and the blimp, which was simply one of the greatest things I ever owned.

DINO-RIDERS

Every kid loves Dinosaurs. What could be better? How about Dinosaurs that have gigantic guns and other weapons strapped to them, so that two alien species could battle it out on planet Earth? Yeah I thought so. Dino-riders were so cool. They were really nice sculpts of the Dinosaurs, and also the bigger ones could walk!! I remember my Grandmother being quite freaked out by them on Christmas morning. My favourite was the massive T-Rex, or the Dienonychus (a much better Raptor). I wish I had these in mint condition. The video that came with the toys had the greatest toy adverts ever, I could watch them constantly. How come toy adverts always make the toys look amazing? Why couldn’t I have a scale model jungle for my Dino-Riders? Sometimes, life ain’t fair.

TRANSFORMERS

It still amazes me that the cars, planes, trucks and Dinosaurs, turned into robots! What a great idea. My first transformer was Optimus Prime, the G1 original with trailer. So cool. My favourite was Grimlock, a robot that turned into a T-Rex!! Oh hell yeah, best thing ever? Close. I also owned Transformer knock offs, The Go-Bots, and Rock Lords. I don’t see why a robot turning into a rock was so cool, but I thought they were, and had quite a few of them for some reason. They were nothing compared to Transformers though.

GHOSTBUSTERS

Who ya gona call? The Ghostbuster cartoon was the source of the toys for this next entry. The toys were not very well articulated, but they were decent sculpts of the cartoon forms of Peter, Ray, Egon and Winston. The ghosts were the cool things in this series of toys, with transforming figures that turned into ghosts, and amazing cups of slime that came with many figures. The coolest toys, however, were the replica proton packs and traps. I can remember running around a friends house with his pack strapped to my back pretending to bust some heads, in a spiritual sense. Awesome. Busting literally made me feel good.

Here our nostalgic look back must end, but look out for part two, coming real soon, where we will look at a mild mannered Prince, who becomes a barbarian super man, a toy that can be literally anything, more transforming vehicles, and many more. Catch you next time, I’m off to Toys R Us, for research purposes only you understand…

Worst WWE Superstars

By @hmsbeefnuts

Earlier this week I wrote about the WWE Superstars who I consider to be the best in the company currently. Now, it is only fair that I continue my look at WWE this week, with 5 Superstars who I consider the worst in the company, or at least, the ones I dislike the most. It was very tempting to add John Cena to this list, not because I don’t like him, I think he’s OK, but he should definitely try to improve his wrestling skills, and start to take his job a bit more seriously at times. You can’t deny the guy has talent and charisma, and works his ass off, but he can’t sell moves very well, acts like a dick at times, and can’t even make his submission move, the STF, look like it hurts. Sloppy John, sloppy. Anyway, enough of John Cena, lets look at 5 ‘superstars’ who need to be future endeavoured immediately, in my opinion.

THE GREAT KHALI

It’s not his fault he can barely move around a ring, but lets face it, The Great Khali is a complete bore to watch, poses no credible threat, and is clearly finding it difficult to do even the most simple of moves. He should be no higher than low mid-card, and should never rub shoulders with anyone higher than that. WWE however, constantly use him as a threat for WWE and World Champions. It is simply incredible that they continue to do so. The Great Khali needs to be retired, or reduced to a comedy character, who barely, if ever, walks to the ring. WWE programming would be vastly improved if this was the case.

DAVID OTUNGA

I hate David Otunga. I hate that stupid cape he wears to the ring. I hate his stupid coffee thermos. I hate the fact that he is involved in major story lines because of his association with John Laurenitis. He comes to the ring with more oil covering his body than a seagull after a tanker wreck. He has weak moves, a boring ring style, and even worse mic skills. Perhaps he needs a new gimmick, because he bores the shit out of me. Lucky he stands next to Eve, who is very beautiful, those glasses definitely do it for me.

SHEAMUS

Oh Sheamus. I wouldn’t really like to see this guy get shit canned, he’s not really that bad, but for some reason, I can’t stand him. I can’t quite put my finger on why either. Perhaps it is because he was given the OK to make Daniel Bryan look like a jobber at Wrestlemania, perhaps it is his Bart Simpson hair cut. Not really sure, all I know is when he comes to the ring, I don’t care what he says, I just want him to leave. Sorry Fella, but I hope Alberto Del Rio takes your title at No Way Out.

JACK SWAGGER

I wasn’t watching WWE when Swagger was a champion, and I find it incredible that he was given the push in the first place. Super annoying and partnered with the vastly superior Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger looks like an idiot. Perhaps he needs a new partner, and could do something in the tag division, when WWE remember that they have one. Swagger needs something new, and a drop down the card, where he can establish himself, and maybe work his way back up. I don’t want to see him mixing it up with the big boys any more.

MARK HENRY

Mark Henry has been stinking up the WWE and the WWF before hand for what seems like decades. He has never been any good. He has never posed a credible threat. He has done nothing to deserve his monster heel reputation. He is useless, and should be future endeavoured right now. Or, alternatively, brought into the tag division, and stay there. With the right partner, perhaps he could be of use. Maybe him and Swagger could tag up? Mark Henry offers nothing to the main event roster, and should not be brought into consideration for anything above the tag, or US title.

Top 5 Current WWE Superstars

By Hmsbeefnuts

Once again AGTM’s expensive Geek Radar equipment turns it’s focus to the WWE Universe. I’m still managing to watch RAW and Smackdown every week, and the PPV too, and I’m still enjoying them. As this is the case, I thought it was about time I wrote something else about the squared circle, and the men who battle within it. It is time, Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, for my personal Top 5 current WWE Superstars, in order.

DANIEL BRYAN

My favourite current wrestler, Daniel Bryan has managed to become one of the biggest Stars in the WWE on talent alone. Not the biggest guy in the world, and in fact, probably one of the smallest in WWE, Bryan has reached the point where his catch phrase ‘YES! YES! YES!’ is shouted by fans even when he isn’t on screen. His style is super technical, mixed with MMA like moves. He is able to have exciting and credible matches with everyone on the roster, even Mark Henry, and his mic work is fantastic. He is supposed to be a heel, but is super over with most fans. His battles with CM Punk have been the best things on WWE TV this year. Bryan has gone from strength to strength, and his break up with girlfriend AJ was hilarious. Bryan is the man of the moment, and a shining example to WWE that you don’t need to be a roid head to make it big.

CM PUNK

It was touch or go whether or not I picked Punk as my number 1, but in the end, Daniel Bryan just pipped him to the title. Punk is fantastic as WWE Champ, he has held the title now for around 6 months, and has entered great performances defending it, particularly against the mighty Bryan. Punk is a master of the mic, and of actual wrestling. He has been given the cover of the new WWE 13 game, an honour indeed, which goes to show he is now an established Superstar. I am very much looking forward to his match against Bryan at No Way Out, which at the time of writing, has not happened yet.

DOLPH ZIGGLER

The Show Off is a great wrestler, that has been lumbered with the awful Jack Swagger for too long. He always gives energetic and strong performances and never has a terrible match. Ziggler is one of the new breed of WWE guys, like Bryan and Punk, who aren’t huge, but rely more on skill and building stories with their matches. Ziggler has been excellent recently and hopefully, is looking good for an extended push to the very top of the WWE roster. He even seems to have left Swagger in the dust. Dolph could easily be his generation Mr. Perfect, he has all the skills needed, he just needs the right push.

CHRISTIAN

The veteran has recently returned from injury and straight into a feud with Cody Rodes and the Intercontinental Championship. Christian has done it all in WWE, but has always been a favourite of mine and is always interesting, entertaining and over. Whilst his best days may well be behind him, Christian still has a lot to offer to WWE, and I hope for a heated feud with Cody over the title belt over the summer.

ZACK RYDER

Zack Ryder is not a great wrestler right now, but he has the potential, at least I, think he does. You have to give credit to a guy that has been buried on TV and jobbed out continuously, for being so popular. Especially when he has done it all by himself. WWE aren’t known for liking that kind of thing, they want to tell people who to like, and push people they give the OK to, but the internet champion has made a name for himself all on his own, and you have to respect that. A definite Intercontinental Champion contender, Zack Ryder could go far in the WWE, if only WWE, will let him. I hope they do, he is the personification of Manifest Destiny. WOO WOO WOO. You know it.

WWE and Me

 A Girl’s View

By Geeky Gem

Now over the last few weeks Mr Beefnuts has been telling you about his love for the WWE, which I have enjoyed reading as I too am a fan of the WWE. This may sound strange to some people, seeing as I am a girl but I kid you not, I too have had an on and off affair with the world of wrestling.

When I was very young, the WWF, as it was then known, was only shown over here very late at night, in a Friday. My Dad used to let me and my brother stay up and watch it if we had been good. So as you can imagine me and my brother never misbehaved on a Friday. A fact my father cottoned on to so we had to be good for more than just Friday.

Back then my favourite wrestler was The Ultimate Warrior or Macho Man Randy Savage where my brother liked Hulk Hogan and Bret “The Hitman” Hart. This alone would cause an argument over who was best. My brother was the one with all the action figures and the ring to play with, which I have found out he still has. Some of them even have action moves. That’s right folk’s action moves, bet you’re jealous. My brother even had a belt, I believe it was the world heavy weight championship belt, which he and my cousin would mock fight for, I was always the referee, not sure why.

Anyway one night there was a competition running on some programme where you could win a t-shirt and a CD if you called and told them why you liked wrestling so much, my brother entered and won. He was so happy but the t-shirt didn’t fit him so he gave it to me, it was a Wrestlemaina one, I forget what year but it was black and gold. I wore it for years.

Shortly after that, my Dad took us to our first wrestling experience. It was low league wrestlers but it was fantastic. We were shouting for the good guys and booing the bad guys, like you should, it was brilliant, but the best was yet to come.

Living in Cardiff it wasn’t often that the WWF came to UK but when they did it was always London and we could never go. Then my Dad (can you see a theme here. Mum didn’t like Wrestling) got wind that the WWF where coming to Cardiff. My brother and I badly wanted to go. But it was a big ask, so we forgot all about it and got used to the fact we weren’t going. Then Dad came home one night sat us down, gave his serious voice which to me and my brother could only mean we had done something wrong, we were pretty sure we hadn’t. Anyway Dad handed me and envelope and said open it carefully. Which I did inside were three tickets to the wrestling in Cardiff, my brother and I have never screamed so much in our lives. We jumped on our Dad and said thank you like a million times.

We waited and waited for the night to come round, we very lucky to actually have seats in the front row, I have never been that close to anything since. We went along with Dad, who bought us both Bret “The Hitman” Hart t-shirts. There is picture evidence of these t-shirts in my parents’ home. Anyway, we sat and waited, every time a wrestler came on we would jump up and run to the barrier sticking our hands out hoping for a high-five from one of the many stars.

 

Then The Hitman came out well my brother and I were really happy, we ran again to the barrier and this time The Hitman high fived us both we couldn’t believe it. I don’t think we wanted to wash our hands for like a week after. We didn’t get his sunglasses but a high-five was good enough for us. When we went home we kept our mum up for a whole hour telling her all about it. Then we went to bed.

Some years after that I became a teenager, I drifted in and out of WWE as I was growing up. Well I thought I was but that is tale for another time.