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Autumn Of Terror: Classic Horror Novels

By @hmsbeefnuts

Autumn of Terror keeps on trucking like that big truck from Duel,down the highway of October. Only stopping once a day to deposit a blog and then ever onwards to November. Todays blog takes us back before there was electronic entertainment, before movies, before video games, when people had to read books in order to be transported to different worlds, that, or visit the local Opium Den. Anyway, this intro has become mired in awkward metaphor and strange references. Today, I hope you will enjoy my list of Classic Horror novels that have thrilled and inspired readers for hundreds of years, so lets get our book on shall we?

Dracula by Bram Stoker

I guess this would be the big one, the one most people will know, but it was not the first, and for my money, not the best on this list. Dracula is however, a fantastic read. I have read this book a few times and it always draws me in. If you have never read it, but have seen the numerous movies etc. I would definitely recommend reading the original, as it might be quite different to what you are expecting. Written as a series of journal entries and letters, from different perspectives, the story of the Transylvanian Vampire, who seeks a new home in Britain, and runs afoul of his greatest nemesis Professor Van Helsing, is a stone cold classic gothic horror novel. Sexy, scary, exciting, this book runs at a breakneck pace, particularly at the end. I highly recommend this book if you haven’t read it, and why not read it again, if you already have, it’s almost Halloween after all.

Frankenstein; Or The Modern Prometheus by Mary Shelley

Written during a ghost story contest whilst on holiday with her husband and Lord Byron, Mary Shelley clearly beat both men hands down when it came to hugely successful gothic horror behemoths. The tale of a scientist who wants to create life in his own unique style, Frankenstein is a classic of the horror genre. I will be honest and say that I didn’t initially like this book on the first read, but I gave it another chance, and it clicked for me. I think what I found off-putting at first was it was quite a bit different to what I had imagined it would be from all the films based on the book, I had watched. In the novel, Adam, or the monster, is not a shuffling moaning monster, as in the Universal films, but a scheming and intelligent threat to his creator. The novel may be seen as quite tame now, but must have been very controversial at the time. There are few novels more gothic-y than Frankenstein, and as such, it should be enjoyed on a cold, dark autumn night, whilst the wind blows and the rain pours, next to a roaring fire, in a grand drawing-room.

(The) Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson

This was the first novel on this list that I read, when I was around 9 I think. It scared me, especially the cover of my copy which I could not find, but the painting of a simian looking man, in top hat and cane spotlighted in moonlight. The book itself is the tale of a good scientist who wants to release mans potential, but ends up unleashing mans animalistic murderous side. I suppose the scariest aspect of this novel is the suggestion that everyone has the potential to unleash the scary brutish nature that normally we keep to ourselves, just look at Dr Bruce Banner.

The Hound of The Baskervilles by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

My personal favourite book on this list, The Hound of the Baskervilles has been read and re-read by me countless times. There is just something about this story that I can’t get enough of. The story concerns the recent death of a Devonshire Lord, seemingly at the hands of a spectral hound, when the new Lord of the manor arrives to take up residence in Baskerville Hall, Sherlock Holmes is called in to offer advice and protection from the hell hound, or other evil forces. I do love detective fiction, and Holmes is the top guy in the field. When Conan Doyle added his love of the paranormal to his most beloved character, it was quite simply dynamite. Nothing would be scarier than being on a moor in the middle of the night and hearing that long mournful howl.

The Lodger by Marie Belloc Lowndes

This book was influenced by the Jack the Ripper murders and concerns a similar serial killer dubbed The Avenger. A strange man moves into a lodging house, who’s owners are down on their luck. He pays his way and suddenly their fortunes turn around, but he keeps odd hours, and acts very strangely. Meanwhile, a series of ghastly murders takes place, who could be responsible for said crimes? Well, obvious really isn’t it? But that does not detract from the greatness of this novel, which is gripping to the last. As I am fascinated by the whole Jack the Ripper mystery, I loved this novel, but I think even if you knew nothing about the Ripper murders, this book is still well worth checking out.

Autumn of Terror: My Favourite Monsters Part 2

By @hmsbeefnuts

Yesterday I brought you part one of a two part blog about my favourite versions of all the classic monsters. Well guess what? Here is part two, so you know the deal, here comes some more monsters that I love, and some more honourable mentions that I love almost, but not quite, as much. Part One can be found here. Part Two starts…. Now.

ZOMBIES

Zombies really don’t have that much in the name of variety. You have your standard undead, raised by magic, meteorites or simply if Hell is full with souls, and your voodoo type slave zombies. I happen to like the undead type, and what better, more horrible zombies than the Nazi variety. Call of Duty is a great game and the zombie mode is always fun. The scary thing about zombies is that on there own, they can be quite manageable, it is only when there are a crowd that things become a problem. When that crowd comes running screaming towards you, dressed like nazis, shit has really hit the fan, all one can hope is the magic box grants you a ray gun…

HONOURABLE MENTION

Little girl rage zombies, well that is just scary as shit right?

WITCHES

Responsible for more children’s nightmares than any other monster on this list, The Wicked Witch of the West is the perfect embodiment of evilness. Green skin, perfect witchy outfit, broom stick, hatred of children and general goodness, and if that’s not enough, she has flying blue monkey soldiers, and it doesnt get more evil than that.

HONOURABLE MENTION

The head witch is very scary. That moment when she takes her face off, absolutely terrifying, and she looks grotesque. Imagine waking up to that? No thanks.

MUMMIES

I like my Mummies wrapped in bandages and the Hammer mummy looks creepiest to me. Boris Karloff may be one of my favourite horror actors, but then so is Christopher Lee, and his eyes are way creepier than the Universal Mummy.

HONOURABLE MENTION

If Karloff had stayed in the bandages all the way through the film, he would have been my ultimate choice, however, he doesn’t and is quickly portrayed as a Dracula type figure. Love that black and white picture though.

MR. HYDE

I have always loved this look for Mr. Hyde. Very simian looking, very primal, and a brilliant transformation scene. It has to be this version of Hyde, it is the greatest.

HONOURABLE MENTION

Forget the film, the comic version of this Mr  Hyde is king. The way he deals with the invisable man alone proves this.

HUNCHBACK

Lon Chaney Snr. old school make up job, say no more.

HONOURABLE MENTION

Bela Lugosi played an evil hunchback assisstant in Son of Frankenstein, almost the best.

Autumn of Terror: Top 5 Universal Horror Films

By @hmsbeefnuts

Hammer Films are fantastic, if you don’t believe me, check out these five awesome examples of British Gothic amazingness, however… There is only one Daddy in the Horror business, especially when it comes to Monsters. For fans of Horror, Monsters can mean only one name, Universal. Since 1931, Universal Pictures has been the home of Monsters, solidifying the look, and sound, of some characters firmly in the minds of the audience, and creating a few characters themselves. With Dracula, Frankenstein and The Wolf Man, the holy trinity of horror, Universal has always been the place where Horror was taken seriously, mostly, and they delivered many quality films. When you add smaller characters, such as The Mummy, The Creature From The Black Lagoon, The Phantom of the Opera and The Invisible Man, Universal has a feast of high quality black and white horror classics that can not be matched by any studio. Recently released on Blu-ray, The Universal Monsters Collection is a must buy for fans of the genre. These films have never looked so beautiful and although they are no longer scary, the atmosphere can be cut with a knife. Clearly I love these films, and so, I have decided to give you guys a Top 5, so sit back, relax and remember, ‘Even a man who is pure of heart and says his prayers by night; may become a wolf, when the wolfsbane blooms, and the autumn moon is bright’.

THE WOLF MAN

The Wolf Man is one of my favourite films of all time. I love it like few others, and for my money, it is the finest Universal Horror Film ever made (JAWS doesn’t count). Lon Chaney Jnr. plays Larry Talbot, with wonderful makeup effects by the peerless Jack Pierce. This film is kind of a Greek tragedy, once Larry is bitten, he is doomed to hurt those he loves, after all, a werewolf instinctively kills those that he loves. Bela Lugosi is great in a small role as a gypsy, Evelyn Ankers is adorable as Larry’s doomed love interest, and Claude Rains is brilliant as Sir John Talbot. However, it is Lon Chaney Jnr who steals the show, as Larry Talbot, he really makes you care about the fate of this doomed everyman. The effects are spectacular for the time, the film is set in Wales (yay) and is endlessly watchable. This film is just brilliant, and should be checked out immediately. I liked the recent remake quite a bit too, even though the CGI werewolf was a bit ropey, but for me, you can’t beat the original.

DRACULA

Universals first horror talkie, Dracula was a revelation and a bit of a scandal at the time. The movie was huge for Universal, and kicked off the whole horror stable. What can be said about Dracula? Well ask any child to do a Dracula impression, and I’m willing to bet that in almost 100 % of times, you get a Bela Lugosi impersonation back. Lugosi isn’t my favourite Dracula, but he set the blue print for all future iterations. The hair, the face, and the voice, all perfect for the Count, and it is no surprise that he is still the gold standard. There are so many good things about this film, the script is great, there are some amazing lines sprouted by Dracula, my favourite being his first encounter with Van Helsing; ‘For one who has not yet lived a single lifetime, you are a wise man, Van Helsing’. The atmosphere is thick and although some say the Spanish Version is a superior film, Lugosi cements this as the better version, at least for me.

CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON

This film came out a few years later than the classic Horror films of the 1930’s and 40’s, but is no less a film for it. Once more, our monster protagonist is stunningly realised for what is ostensibly a rubber suit. An american research crew are travelling up the Amazon, when they come into the territory of the creature, the titular Black Lagoon. Disturbing Gill Man’s habitat and normal everyday life with beautiful bikini clad scientists. Whats a creature to do? He falls for the hot scientist and then the trouble starts. The underwater scenes are beautiful and terrifying. We all fear what lies below the surface of the water, was that a hand, or a weed that brushed our leg? Spielberg has said that this film was an inspiration to him whilst filming JAWS, and there really can’t be higher praise than that can there.

BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN

Considered the best of all the Universal Horror films by many, Bride of Frankenstein is a bona fide classic. Directed by James Whale, who infused the horror with a very black sense of humour, the film is a delight to sit and watch. We get to see Boris Karloff’s Monster grow a little here, talking, and demanding a mate. The bride herself was another visual treat, with the lightning strike hair do and bird like head movements. If you only watch one Universal Horror film, critics say it should be this one, they are wrong, The Wolf Man is a better film, in my view, but this is an amazing piece of cinema. The Frankenstein franchise was Universals cash cow, and this is the finest entry in that franchise, but I would suggest watching the original as well, as it is almost as classic, if it does not quite reach the greatness of it’s sequel. Ghost of Frankenstein is also very good, and it is worth watching all of the Frankenstein saga, as it is worth watching most of the Universal Horror films, as they are always entertaining. Karloff is amazing as the Monster, adding pathos to a role that could easily be a mindless brute. He truly was the King of Universal Horror.

FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE WOLF MAN

This is the sequel to The Wolf Man, and sees the titular monsters having a bit of a ruck in a ruined castle. This is my favourite of the monster mash up films, as the focus is once again back on my favourite monster, Larry Talbot. Larry is disturbed in his tomb by some luckless grave robbers and disappointed to find he is still alive, he decides to try and find a cure for his affliction with some notorious scientists on the continent. Of course he runs into Frankenstein’s monster, and a monster wrestling match takes place. Lugosi plays the Monster, with Lon Chaney Jnr. reprising his role as The Wolf Man and Maria Ouspenskyaya returning as the gypsy woman Maleva. One of the better sequels to the Universal brilliant originals, this is really worth a look, especially if you loved The Wolf Man.

Autumn of Terror: Top 5 Hammer Horror Films

By @hmsbeefnuts

If you like your Horror films with a massive spoonful of gothic, a healthy dose of sexiness and some of the finest British character actors ever produced, then you surely are in love with Hammer Horror films. I have loved these films for ever, they are responsible for my love of evil women in corsets, and they are fantastic examples of good old fashioned gothic horror. I have a large collection of these films on DVD, but my fondest memories of these films must be when I first caught them on the TV. I was at the right age, hormones raging, cleavage unbearably exciting, and the thought of a film called The Vampire Lovers was all a bit too much. Needless to say I tried to watch as much Hammer as possible, and although the chance of bear female flesh was initially the draw, I soon realised that the films were great too. So here, are my top 5 Hammer Horror films, I hope you enjoy…

THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES

This just happens to be one of my favourite films of all time. I love The Hound of The Baskervilles, and this version is my very favourite. Perhaps not a typical Hammer Horror, it definitely deserves it’s place on this list. Peter Cushing is the great detective, with Christopher Lee reduced to the smaller role of Sir Henry Baskerville. What we have here is a bit of a change of pace from our usual Hammer fare, there isn’t much sexiness going on here, but this film is all about atmosphere. Baskerville Manor is suitably dreary and gothic, and the moor is desolate and foreboding, and the howl of the Hound is heart stopping. I love the beginning, showing how the Curse of the Baskervilles came to be, and Hammer manage to add some occult overtones to the story. All in all, this is a sure fire hit for me, and I am bound to be slipping it in to my DVD player in the run up to Halloween.

CAPTAIN KRONOS VAMPIRE HUNTER

Not a success when first released, I had a few problems tracking this one down, but I have to say, this film is rather fantastic, and a whole lot of fun. Captain Kronos is a Vampire Hunter (obviously) but not really in line with Peter Cushing’s Van Helsing. He is more of a proto Hugh Jackman Van Helsing. In this film, Vampires suck the life out of victims, literally turning them into old haggard husks, when once they were beautiful women. As a former soldier, and ‘expert swordsman’ Kronos and his hunchback assistant travel the country dispatching vampires in a far more swashbuckling type manner than Professor Van Helsing, and this puts a unique spin on vampire hunting in the Hammer canon. Perhaps not for everyone, there are a distinct lack of Hammer Stars in this, however, the film, planned as the first of a franchise, deserves to be seen and appreciated. Highly recommended.

THE HORROR OF DRACULA

Hammer’s take on Bram Stoker’s original story, The Horror of Dracula is the daddy of Hammer Dracula films. We have Christopher Lee as the Count, perhaps the greatest person to ever play him, and his arch nemesis, Van Helsing, played by Peter ‘the man’ Cushing. This doesn’t quite match the original story, as Hammer took some liberties with the plot, but as a film, this is just fantastic. Seeing Cushing and Lee face off against each other is worth the price of the DVD alone, there simply aren’t many more Hammery Hammer Horror Films one can see.

COUNTESS DRACULA

OK I’ll admit it, this choice is based on Ingrid Pitt alone. She is one of the most devastatingly beautiful and downright sexy women ever to drain the blood from sexy virgin girls and bathe in it. The fact that I have also had a long fascination with Elisabeth Bathory, The Bloody Countess, which true story this film is based on, also helps a bit, but by all that is holy and innocent, Ingrid Pitt looks like a Goddess and could be forgiven for any crime, even the murder of a few hundred maids, as long as she looked that good. I feel at this point I must apologise, as this isn’t really a review as such, and I’m not really giving many reason why anyone should watch this film beyond ‘Ingrid Pitt is banging’. Well… does it help that Hercules himself, from Jason and the Argonauts, is in it? Or there is copious amounts of nudity? No? Well unlucky, Ingrid Pitt is hot as hell, and she is naked a lot in this film, and the story is fascinating, so, all in all, this movie is full of win.

CURSE OF THE WEREWOLF

The only werewolf film Hammer made, and quite a good entry in the genre. Werewolves are my favourite monster, and Universals The Wolf Man is one of my favourite movies of all time. Whilst Hammer’s take on the werewolf doesn’t quite reach the heady heights climbed by Lon Chaney Jnr, Oliver Reed gives a tragic performance as the man wolf. Hammer’s version of the monster is a mix between the Lon Chaney Wolf Man, and the earlier Universal film Werewolf of London, another film worth checking out Horror fans. There is quite a bit of werewolf myth going on here, particularly in the way werewolfism is passed on, or created. Set in Spain, this film is very atmospheric, and a perfect cap to any Hammer Horror Marathon.

SUMMER KNIGHTS: BEST BATMAN GRAPHIC NOVELS: PART TWO

By @hmsbeefnuts

Hello Bat fans and welcome to part two of my look at the greatest Batman stories ever told. Last time we looked at the beginnings of The Caped Crusader, this time, we shall look at his end, at least for a time, and his return after a few years in retirement. The Bat fun continues here at All Geek To Me, as we build up to The most exciting film of the Summer, The Dark Knight Rises.

THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS

This was truly a line in the sand for not only Batman, but comics as a whole. Frank Miller wrote a story set in the future, where Gotham has once more been dragged into a crime spree, with criminal gangs and worse, making things hard for the good people of Gotham City. Time then for Batman to come out of retirement, older, thicker around the middle, but still the hardest and most dangerous man in the city. Add a female Robin, shades of ‘the god-damn Batman’ and this dark comic master piece is an absolute must read. Along with Watchmen, this transformed the comics landscape. It was the prime reason that the dark Batman Movie was made by Tim Burton in 1989, and the better Nolan ones in more recent times. This is the Batman we all know and love. Don’t bother with The Dark Knight Strikes Back though, I wish I hadn’t.

KNIGHTFALL/KNIGHTS END

This is the first Batman Story I ever read, thanks to my best friend, and regular commenter, Greeny. He was into comics long before I was, and lent me the Knighfall Saga. Very much in a similar vein as The Death and Return of Superman, this is the story of the Bane, a new threat to Batman, who comes to Gotham to challenge Batman, and succeeds in a devious scheme. He tires Batman out, using almost the entire rogues gallery, before finally facing off against the Dark Knight himself, and breaking his back. Batman retires, a new Batman replaces him, a more violent Batman, not afraid to maim or kill. Bruce rehabilitates himself, and eventually comes back, but who will rule the night?. Kinghtfall is not really considered a classic story, in the same way that The Long Halloween, or Batman: Year One is, but will always have a special place on my shelf as my first graphic novel.

BATMAN/DRACULA

Another Elseworlds tale, this time, what would happen if The Dark Knight came into contact with The King of Vampires, Dracula himself? A dark Gothic tale that fits in with the Batman mythos perfectly. Blood Reign is a great read.

ALL STAR BATMAN AND ROBIN

Frank Miller is not the talent he used to be, I think we can all agree on that, however, whilst most people hated his new take on Batman and Robin, I quite liked it. It was different, and wasn’t classic Batman, but I did like the new take on a Dark Knight who enjoyed his job. The God-damned Batman isn’t for everyone, but I laughed all the way through, especially his way of keeping Hal Jordan out of his business. The art work helps a lot too, absolutely beautiful. The story will probably never be finished now, but the first part was an enjoyable, if different take on the Caped Crusader.

ARKHAM ASYLUM: A SERIOUS HOUSE ON SERIOUS EARTH

A dark and disturbed journey into the heart of madness, with art work to match. This is an interesting and demanding graphic novel, and I will admit, I didn’t much like it on my first read through, but I gave it another go, and over time, I have grown to appreciate it and like it. It is unlike the other books on this list, but is defiantly worth your time.

BATMAN: A DEATH IN THE FAMILY

An important turning point in Batman’s history, and a change in tone from the fluffier camper 60’s and 70’s Batman, to a more serious and darker Dark Knight of the 80’s. What starts as a bit of a ridiculous story, The Joker becoming important in the government of a Middle Eastern State, becomes deadly serious, with The Joker killing and important member of The Bat Family. One that was killed by fans vote. I’m trying my best not to spoil things here, just read it.

Top 6 Sexy Geeky Royalty:Or Hmsbeefnuts Can’t Think Of Anything to Post Up Of Any Worth, And So Has To Rely On An Easy Backup

 By @hmsbeefnuts

If I have learned one thing about writing a blog these past few months, it’s this, posts about sexually attractive females produce far more views than those that do not feature pictures of scantily clad ladies. Oh and zombies are quite popular too. If only there were a way to combine the two? Hmm, Hmsbeefnuts Presents: The Top 5 Scantily Clad Zombie Babes? The Top 10 Babes Killed By Zombies? Hmm… it has suddenly all become clear. Anyway, now that you know that this article is basically just a base grab for traffic to the site, and my motives have been laid bare, we should not dilly dally. On with the Sexy Geek Royals!!! Oh a small note on my choices, Disney Princess’s were certainly considered, but being animated, and of undetermined age, I was not sure I could include them. Belle and Ariel were very close to being picked.

Dejah Thoris

I like my Princess’s like I like my curry, meek, mild and in need of a heroic figure to save them from certain death, but with a hidden strength. Dejah Thoris ticks all these boxes, she is like a fantastic chicken korma, but you know, much much sexier, and Mars royalty, so not much like a korma at all. I think I need to go back to the extended metaphorical drawing board… Dejah Thoris is like a really sexy, princess, who lives on Mars, and as luck would have it, that is exactly what she is. Smart, sexy and just bloody lovely and loveable, Dejah is my kind of Martian. She has a barbarian aesthetic, with Sci-Fi leanings, and is a clear influence on our next, and rather obvious entrant. For me though, Dejah has her protégée beat, hands down.

Liea Organa

Yes, yes I know, obvious right? Well yes it is, but I would like a little time to explain. I have never really found Princess Liea that sexy. I wouldn’t say she was that beautiful, she is a pain in the arse most of the time, and I’m sure Han Solo could do much much better, at least in the looks department. Where she does score points though, is in the spunky (hey now), kick arse kind of way. She is a woman in charge, and she kicks arse and takes names, and I happen to like that. Of course all the bullshit in the world can be said about why she would appear in this list, but at the end of the day, we all know why she is here, that slave outfit. Quite simply, the outfit she wears in Jabba’s Palace could be included in this list on its own, it is that sexy. You may notice I haven’t featured a picture of Carrie Fisher (sorry Ms. Fisher) but just look at the picture I did post up, are you telling me one slave Liea is better than many? Then you Sir/Madam, are a damn liar. Princess Liea gets picked for the fact she gave the world THAT slave outfit. Thank you George Lucas, all is forgiven.

Wonder Woman

An Amazonian Princess, and certainly the one woman on this list you would not want to get on the wrong side of, Wonder Woman is both cool and sexy, and could give most superheroes a good kicking. Once again, Diana wears a quite simply staggering outfit, and once again, we dip into my deprived psyche and uncover a little kink that should perhaps remain hidden. Wonder Woman is not the typical damsel in distress princess that I would normally go for, but variety is the spice of life so they say, and a 6 ft. dark haired warrior woman, is nothing to shake a stick (I said stick) at. Wonder Woman gets the nod then, and the fact she is well into bondage can only be seen as a massive plus!

Princess Farah

Oh Jane Seymour, an English Rose, a medicine woman, a sex crazed mother of a wedding crasher’s crush. Oh Jane, one of the most beautiful women to ever live, Bond Girl, milf, and Arabian Princess? Why not? I think I became obsessed by Jane Seymour at a very early age, around the age of 4. My love of Ray Harryhausen movies made me re-watch Jason and Clash and the Sindbad movies, over and over again. Obviously the draw of these movies were the monsters, the monsters and the adventure, but if one thing could distract me from the Cyclops’, Dragons and Griffons, it was the beautiful damsel in distress that the heroes had to save, and surely none more beautiful than Princess Fara, played by Jane Seymour. Just look at her, like a work of art come to life, and oh boy, did those Arabian Princess’s know how to dress sexy. At the age of 4, I probably didn’t know why Ms. Seymour was attractive, I just knew I wanted to look at her, yes folks, I was a pervert even back then, but I feel no shame about this. If you don’t want to look at Jane Seymour, you my friend are wrong, not I. Time for some Sindbad I feel…

Daenerys Targaryen

Let me make this clear, I am very much talking about the Emilia Clarke version of Daenerys from the Game of Thrones TV show, as the one in the book starts off at like 14 years old. So, TV Daenerys… what can be said, easily one of the most beautiful women on TV, Daenerys Stormborn knocked me out the first time I saw her. The fact she doesn’t wear many clothes (when she wears clothes at all) was in no way a factor in this, honest. All about the eyes… hmm anyway. Initially a bullied weak character, Daenerys soon learns what it is to be a Khaleesi, and lead her own Khalasaar. Oh and did I mention she is also know as The Mother of Dragons? Hmm I wonder why? Daenerys is perhaps my personal favourite sexy royal woman in this list, but I’m a sucker for a blonde petite woman, not wearing leather and hand rearing 3 flying lizards, but that’s just me.

Countess Elisabeth Bathory

 

I guess that some would think a Countess is far less important than a Princess, but then you haven’t seen Countess Elisabeth Bathory, the Bloody Countess. The version of this very real historical figure that I would personally choose to fancy most is Hammer Horror legend, Ingrid Pitt, one of the all time great film beauties. In real life, Bathory was said to be related to the great inspiration for Dracula himself, Vlad Tepesh, also known as the Impaler, and it seems that gruesomeness may run in the family. Bathory was said to be obsessed with youth and beauty, and would abduct virgin village girls and servants, drain them of their blood, and bathe in it, in order to keep her young and desirable. In the film Countess Dracula, this certainly seems to work, as I can think of few women more desirable then Ingrid Pitt. So yes, she was rumoured to have killed around 500 virgin girls, and took a lot of baths, but it was probably all here say and lies, and anyway, when you look like Ingrid Pitt, as I’m sure she did in real life, then you are allowed 1 or 500 indiscretions.

So there we have it, 6 amazingly sexy examples of geeky royalty, now, all I have to do is count the views,hahahahahahahahah hahahahaha…

The Celluloid Cryptozoologist: Werewolves

‘Even a man who is pure of heart, and says his prayers by night, may become a wolf, when the Wolfs-bane blooms, and the Autumn moon is bright’.

An Olde Gypsy saying.

In the world of monsters, ghouls and ghosts, for me, there is only one choice for king, or queen, of the scary abandoned Gothic castle. Sure I like vampires, ghosts and gillmen as much as the next guy, but they simply can not compare to the lycanthrope, wolfman or werewolf. The wolfman beast type thing, is my favourite monster, and so I shall now write a rather long, but hopefully interesting, article on the subject. So sit back, relax, and enjoy as I bring you the first in a series of articles, The Celluloid Cryptozoologist.

The Werewolf, can come in many types and classes, but all, (well most), are awesome. Unlike Vampires (Dracula etc.), the Werewolf, hasn’t really had a classic novel or work that defines the typical werewolf, and as such, they are open to a certain degree of interpretation. The classic film, The Wolfman, is perhaps the archetype of many celluloid werewolves to come, and is a classic of the genre. In this film many of the trappings of werewolfery are set out, but some are very much absent. So friends, shall we delve into this fascinating celluloid cryptid? I think we should go on a journey, a journey into the heart of man, to reveal the beast in us all, so grab your wolfs-bane, and silver based weapon, and follow me into the forest where the beast who walk among us reside, don’t stray from the path, and off to Grandmother’s house we go…

WOLFMEN

 

The Wolfman is a curious breed. In this list of werewolf-type creatures, a wolfman is perhaps the closest to a human. There are many distinct types of wolfmen, but similar features are found in each. A wolfman will stand upright, and from a distance could be mistaken for an average human. However, on closer inspection, if you are stupid enough, or unlucky enough to to see one up close, they are very different to the average human. In The Werewolf of London (1935), the werewolf is less hairy than other types, the face is distorted into an animalistic snarl, and the teeth, claws and eyes are certainly terrifying. Often described as The Elvis Werewolf, due to the hair style, this poor creature was turned by the bite of another werewolf, although this is not always the case with wolfmen, as being born on Christmas Eve, having eyebrows that meet in the middle and being the result of a rape, can all account for the child being a wolfman (Curse of the Werewolf).

A hairier cousin to this creature can be found in The Wolfman (1941). Poor Larry Talbot, also bitten by a wolf, has more pronounced changes, hairy all over, a short wolf snout, and hairy clawed hands and wolf feet. A tragic character, this creature instinctively seeks to destroy those it loves, and can only be killed with silver, in this case, a silver headed cane, although this method may not in fact be very efficient as 1943’s Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman, suggests. At times a wolfman may exhibit the attributes of a wolf during his human hours, including an increased sense of smell, and hearing, as well as sexual aggressiveness and a take no shit attitude (Wolf, 1993). The Wolfman, may in fact be just a stage of evolution of the werewolf, as Jack Nicholson’s character in Wolf shows, he eventually turns in a werewolf proper i.e. a full on wolf. The Wolfman, 2010 shows a far more animalistic and vicious creature, hairier, more aggressive killing machine. It is a matter of some debate whether or not a wolfman needs the full moon to change, it seems that sometimes he does, but other times not, it must be taken on a case by case basis.

WEREWOLVES

 

The werewolf, from the Anglo-Saxon were, meaning man and wulf, meaning wolf, literally a man-wolf. However, for the purposes of this article, here, a werewolf will be a term describing a man who turns into a four legged wolf, literally, a man turning into an animal. Again, there are numerous types of werewolves, and as mentioned above, the werewolf, may be the final stage of transformation of the wolfman, however, evidence suggests that most werewolves do not go through a wolfman stage. Classic examples of this type can be seen in The Beast Must Die and The Company of Wolves. In these cases, the man whose disease origin is unknown, turns into a real wolf, and once dispatched, will revert to human form. Werewolves are more likely to only change during a full moon and are susceptible to silver, usually in the form of a bullet.

Special cases of this type of werewolfery include An American Werewolf In London and Red Riding Hood. In these cases, the werewolf far exceeds an ordinary wolf in both size and aggressiveness. In the first case, people bitten by a the wolf will become werewolves, but those killed become undead, and haunt the human hours of the werewolf, causing guilt at what he has done. In the second case, the curse of the werewolf can be passed down through family members, but a bite is still required to cause a final transformation. A psychic link to family members may also be present, showing that at least some werewolves are not just savage beasts, but are able to make decisions and show a definite human intelligence, making them extremely dangerous. Transformations can be extremely painful, as the human body twists and shift into the form of a wolf, and sufferers will often wake up in strange places, often in a mess of blood an entrails, and sometimes even in the company of real wolves. Unlike with wolfmen, werewolves do not wear clothes, so waking up naked somewhere quite public is a real possibility. Vampires have been known to be able to change into wolves, and as such the werewolf and the vampire are closely linked. (Dracula, 1931).

LYCANTHROPES

 

Lycanthropy is a real disease, symptoms include, an aversion to sunlight, animalistic behaviour and an increase in hair growth, however, for the purposes of this article, Lycanthropes will be used to describe those werewolves who turn from man in a bipedal, wolf-headed creature. Once again, there are a few types of these creatures, and their physiology is not always common. Variations in size are recorded, however, Lycanthropes are usually described as very large, aggressive and extremely dangerous. There have been cases reported that suggest that these creatures are the most dangerous of all werewolves. In Dog Soldiers two teams of highly trained British soldiers, one of them a Spec Ops team, are literally ripped to shreds by a pack of Lycanthropes. This is one of their most fascinating traits, pack behaviour. Unlike other werewolves, who prefer a solitary existence, some types of Lycanthropes prefer to hunt in packs, and can in fact live in family/pack units. (Dog Soldiers, The Howling), it is unclear whether or not Lycanthropy is inherited or not, but it is certain that it can be transmitted through bite.

Other types of Lycanthropes have the ability to talk (Cursed) and many have a specific hatred of other members of the underworld of monsters, namely Vampires (Underworld). It has been suggested that Lycanthropes were bred as guardians for vampires, vampire guard dogs if you will. Also it is suggested that a Lycanthrope is the only creature that can destroy a master vampire (Van Helsing). Lycanthropes are common around the world, well as common as any creature of the night, but are most commonly found in Europe and North America. Native American legends talk of the Manitou or Wendigo creatures that bare a strong resemblance to the Lycanthrope (The X-Files : Shapes). Lycanthropes do not need the full moon to bring about the change, and some types, do not even require darkness for it to happen, being able to change at will. Silver is a common cause of death, but by no means a certain way of destruction, it seems fire in the form of an explosion will do the trick (Dog Soldiers).

WOLF-MAN TYPE THINGS

Our final species of werewolf, and hard to pin down. Some types of these beasts exhibit many of the traits of wolfmen, lycanthropes and werewolves, and some, not at all. Some barely seem to change from their human form, whilst others are wild and savage beasts killing all who come into contact with them. In She-wolf of London, one of our few female case studies, the subject does not change into a wolf of any description, instead, the change is a psychological one, as she convinces herself she becomes a wolf at night in order to commit murders. Other examples, and indeed, another female example can be found in A Company of Wolves. One case in this study concerns a young female creature who is neither werewolf, wolfman or lycanthrope, but a kind of wild girl with slight wolf attributes. A Professor Lupin, who used to teach at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, is reported to be a werewolf, however, pictorial evidence seems to suggest that the creature that he turns into, whilst sharing certain characteristics with lycanthropes, is not a true member of this species (he looks rubbish).

As mentioned above, the vampire and the werewolf are quite closely linked in some cultures. Powerful vampires are said to be able to change into wolf like creatures in order to exploit their more animal natures. A certain Count Dracula, renowned as King of all Vampires, has at times exhibited the ability to turn into both wolves, and wolf like creatures (Bram Stocker’s Dracula). There most fearsome of all wolf-like creatures however, may in fact be the werewolf/vampire hybrid. A werewolf born, then later bitten by a vampire, creating a creature of terrifying power, sharing all the strengths of both species, but few of the weaknesses, the hybrid (Underworld) is to be avoided at all costs by all but the most confident hunter.

So there we have it, all that man may know about the loups–garou, that’s a French werewolf to you, yeah look impressed. Until next we meet, stay on the path, don’t talk to strange men who’s eyebrows meet in the middle, and most of all, beware the moon, and if all that fails, make sure Liam Neeson is in close proximity.

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